I Wish You Could Know my Job as a Firefighter

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.I wish you could feel the sense of pride I have when I raise my hand and take the oath for.my position in the Fire Department.
I wish you could see the sadness of a business man as his livelihood goes up in flames, or that family returning home, only to find their house and belongings damaged or lost for good.

I wish you could feel the fear of being handed a pink slip telling me that in two weeks I will no longer be employed as a Firefighter due to being laid off, and not knowing where I could find a job doing the thing that I have grown to know not just as a job, but as a passion.

I wish you could know what it is like to search a burning bedroom for
trapped children, flames rolling above your head, your palms and knees burning
as you crawl, the floor sagging under your weight as the kitchen below you
burns.

I wish you could comprehend a wife's horror at ..3 a.m... as I check her husband of 40 years for a pulse and find none. I start CPR anyway, hoping to bring him back, knowing intuitively it is too late. But wanting his wife and family to know everything possible was done too try to save his life.

I wish you knew the unique smell of burning insulation, the taste of
soot-filled mucus, the feeling of intense heat through your turnout gear, the
sound of flames crackling, the eeriness of being able to see absolutely nothing
in dense smoke-sensations that I've become too familiar with.

I wish you could know how it feels to be standing at the nurses station in the hospital's Obstetrics Unit waiting to sign the birth certificate of a baby who just minutes ago I helped to deliver before the mother had the chance to make it to the hospital.
I wish you could understand how it feels to go to work in the morning
after having spent most of the night, hot and soaking wet at a multiple alarm
fire.

I wish you could read my mind as I respond to a building fire "Is
this a false alarm or a working fire? How is the building constructed? What
hazards await me? Is anyone trapped?" Or to an ..EMS...call, "What is wrong with the patient? Is it minor or life threatening? Is the caller really in distress or is he waiting for us behind a closed door with a baseball bat or a gun?"

I wish you could be in the emergency room as a doctor pronounces dead
the beautiful five-year old girl that I have been trying to save during the
past 25 minutes. Who will never go on her first date or say the words, "I
love you Mommy" again.

I wish you could know the frustration I feel in the cab of the engine,
the driver with his foot pressing down hard on the pedal, my arm tugging again
and again at the air horn chain, as you fail to yield the right-of-way at an
intersection or in traffic. When you need us however, your first comment upon
our arrival will be, "It took you forever to get here!"

I wish you could know my thoughts as I help extricate a girl of teenage
years from the remains of her automobile. "What if this was my sister,
my girlfriend or a friend? What was her parent’s reaction going to be when they opened the door to find a police officer with hat in hand?"

I wish you could know the anguish I feel when having to defend myself at a worker's compensation hearing, in order to get my medical bills paid for because of injuries or illnesses sustained while in the performance of my duties as a firefighter.
I wish you could know how it feels to walk in the back door and greet my family, not having the heart to tell them that I nearly did not come back from the last call.

I wish you could feel the hurt we feel as people verbally, and sometimes
physically, abuse us or belittle us for what I do, or as they express their attitudes
of "It will never happen to me."

I wish you could feel how we are chilled to the bone when fighting a fire or performing a rescue in the dead of winter with snow or freezing rain soaking us and freezing our fire gear to our skin.

I wish you could realize the physical, emotional and mental drain or
missed meals, lost sleep and foregone social activities, in addition to all the
tragedy my eyes have seen.

I wish you could see the pain and terror in the eyes of our family members as they are ushered to our bedside in the Emergency 'Room after we've fallen ill or are injured in the line of duty, not knowing the acute or chronic effects of the problem, or if the injury or illness may lead to our death.
I wish you could know the frustration we feel when we are blamed for the closing of fire stations and resulting delayed responses to emergency calls and for the subsequent increase in citizens property insurance premiums when in reality it is due to the mismanagement of city funds by the City Administration in their attempts to make us appear to be the bad guys.
I wish you could know the brotherhood and self satisfaction of helping
save life or preserving someone's property, or being able to be there in time
of crisis, or creating order from chaos.
I wish you could know the pride I feel when a little child comes up to you and says, "I want to grow up and be a firefighter just like you!"
I wish you could understand the happiness we feel when we are approached by a young student while we are off duty, who with pride, introduces us to their parents explaining to them that we were at their school and taught them what to do in case of a fire.

I wish you could understand what it feels like to have a little boy
tugging at your arm and asking, "Is Mommy okay?", not even being able to look in his eyes without tears from your own and not knowing what to say. Or to have to hold back a long time friend who watches his buddy have CPR performed on him as they take him away in the ambulance. You know all along he did not have his seat belt on. This is a sensation that I have become too familiar with. Unless
you have lived with this kind of life, you will never truly understand or
appreciate who I am, we are, or what our job really means to us.... but, I
wish you could though.....
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-author
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